I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
