Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
