ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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