i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
