We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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