so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Randomize