She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
