Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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