She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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