..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
