While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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