you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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