What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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