What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
