I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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