Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Yo dont text me then not text me
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
