I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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