I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
