Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
