"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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