Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize