Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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