Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
