It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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