Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
