Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
