You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
