I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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