U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
