We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
