Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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