Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
