man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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