dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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