I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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