u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize