you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
vagina is talking i cant
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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