I have demons in me.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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