i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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