I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
