My girlfriend figured out who you are.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
