I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
