A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
