Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
