I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
