forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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