Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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