you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
