its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sext me about skeletons
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
