Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize