Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
