Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
