So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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