OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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