Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
