I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
