my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
