they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
