You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
