My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
