Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
