i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
