Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
