I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
