Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i was born a porn star she said
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
